If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
