There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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