What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
