eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
