First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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