Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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