Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
