I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
