...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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