the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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