You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
