we have pet lesbian snakes
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
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