pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
