We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Girls should come with a carfax report
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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