So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Randomize