Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
