I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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