Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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