I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
