I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
