he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
