Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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