cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
