I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
it was like eating out sand paper
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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