my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
