i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
