i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
