whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
