You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
