He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
