My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
