i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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