he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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