weddingsv make me drug and hornr
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
