ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
