is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
