i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
So many bounce houses so little time
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
