mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
