I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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