I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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