Sponge bath it is.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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