Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Randomize
