woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
