did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize