Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
