I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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