Just fell off a train. Bad.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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