he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
