Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
