I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
