I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
