I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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