The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
you made out with another girl for some wings
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
