i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
