I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
