So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
