He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
