I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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