Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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