Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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