you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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