i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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