My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
