No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
organizing the empties. That sober.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize